previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I wish I could use that pen.
Donnie.
I don't think they're going to be able to respond to you right now.
What's the deal here?
There would be more order in a regime brought up with yourself and me.
So you're looking for like a minion?
No, a partner.
You turn around and you see a skeletal figure.
Who the fuck is that?
Nergoth Bladeloord.
And what's his deal?
He's one of the originals.
Oh, an OG.
That's what they call him.
Original Greg.
Your hit point maximum is reduced by 20.
No.
Through your backswing, you see coming down the hall towards you a horde of zombies.
Am I able to grab that finger bone and break it in half?
I like just completely put all my muscle into this last attack.
He just kind of crumples into nothingness.
You hear the rising groaning yells of the oncoming zombie horde.
From behind you, you hear calls from human creatures as they move in to fully surround you.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast.
And I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
And with me today is Amy More.
Hi, I'm Amy More and I play Thea Amastasia.
And Carla Johnson.
Hey, that's me.
I play Nulara Moonbrook.
And Tumlard.
That's me.
I play Flint Firebeard.
How's everybody doing today?
Good.
Doing real well.
Still a bit sick, but good.
Obviously not snarky.
I had nothing.
Like I had nothing quippy to say.
No.
Very subdued.
Okay.
Love this energy we're carrying in.
It's good to go into a battle.
It's very serious.
As we're like mid like it's the shit is hitting the proverbial fan right now.
Like it's happening.
So things aren't good.
They're not great.
Last I recall, zombie horde approaching, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Just sweep that under the rug.
You don't have to worry about that.
They'll just, they'll just eat your brains.
Oh, was that a problem?
Yeah, that's fine.
Okay.
It's fine, right?
Where people won't eat your brains is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We can't guarantee that.
Touche.
It hasn't happened yet.
Yeah.
So far, so good.
We can just say that the track record of non-brain eating has been high.
We are brain free over in Patreon.
Okay.
Is that what you mean to say?
I mean, we're brain free as for our patrons are intelligent, attractive, wonderful people.
Just the best.
The best.
The best kind of people.
And when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Today's patron, and I'm sorry if I mispronounce your last name, Craig Zeiss.
Thanks, Craig.
Oh my gosh.
That's a fun last name.
That is such a fun last name.
There's a Z, a Y, and another Z in it.
And it's only four letters long.
I think that's fantastic.
That is fun.
Amy is very easily impressed today.
My last name's Johnson.
It's like the most generic, boring last name there is.
So like Zeiss, amazing.
Yeah, that's pretty great.
More.
Ours is actually just an adjective or an adverb.
I'm more hungry.
Yeah.
How hungry are you?
More hungry than you.
Yeah, we're an adverb.
Yeah.
I know words.
Big deal.
So thank you, Craig, for not being an adverb.
And thank you, Patreon, for being all awesome.
That is, yeah, that you guys are all fantastic.
Unless anybody has anything else.
No, I just want to kill some zombies.
Well, fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
We see dragons tearing and chasing through the air.
Most of the airships have been downed.
Some in ally territory, others surrounded by screaming and fighting mobs,
being held back by magical shields,
dispelling undead and holding walls up to keep cult mercenaries
at bay.
We see one of those ships at the base of the well,
crashed and splintered apart as giants, mercenaries,
and devils close in on its position.
The deck is ablaze, and we see a few figures clamouring out of the wreckage.
One of those figures, Thaddeus Sicker Cremuffle,
who wearily climbs up to a vantage point and peers over,
seeing the oncoming attack.
He calls out,
anyone have any plans?
He sees panic set in among the several younger ship hands and soldiers.
He reaches into his bag and pulls out a slightly dented metal cylinder.
He cracks it open and peers inside.
Well, are you ready?
I hope so, just like we spoke about.
Thaddeus froze and releases the contents of the cylinder towards their attackers.
What looks like dust and dirt gets caught up in the air,
and one at a time, slowly at first, then faster,
thousands of grungs emerge full size,
weapons drawn and rush the oncoming cult of the dragon.
Climbing and leaping over giants who suddenly claw and strike out at their own allies.
Some begin screaming and running as they are touched,
rolling down the side of the mountain.
It is covered in a rainbow of grungs.
As we race and follow down the mountain, we see two cloaked figures
enter the tunnel behind where our heroes entered and fade into the shadows.
We hear the undead groans and yells from cultists
as they converge and surround the hallway where Flint, Thea, Nularaaaa, and Donnie stand.
Oh my god.
So good.
They came back.
I was actually concerned.
I was too, and then when he pulled out the metal tube, I got so excited.
Tingles.
Last we recall, Flint was at the tee of the hallways where you had come from,
staring down the horde of zombies having just killed Nergoth Bladeloord.
Thea, Nularaaaa, and Donnie were facing off against the four drakes who still remain.
Further down the hall in which you were headed,
you hear voices from cultists calling out.
I'll just say, narratively, you are at like a, you know, you're holding things off.
No need to immediately jump into an issue of horror.
Hey, Flint.
Good job.
Sure.
Thanks.
What do we do now?
Well, I think, Nularaaaa, you have these guys handled.
I think I'm halfway in between where Flint was because I remember running to him and
then Flint ended up killing him and me being like, oh,
cool, cool.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Good job.
That's fine.
What do you see, Flint?
I don't know if it was the guy that we just fought or what, but there's a
horde of zombies coming our way.
Excuse me, what?
Yep.
There's a lot of them.
They're about 20 feet from the turn in the hallway.
Tari, have we decided, are they running zombies or shambling zombies?
Are they running or shambling?
They're not slow, but they're definitely not running.
I don't know what that means.
Um, they're lurching around pretty fast.
Puppy dog panicking right now.
Uh, guys, we've got three options.
Zombie horde don't know more drakes.
I'm still immune to damage, so I'll keep fighting these drakes.
So do we want to like push past?
I don't think like zombies are going to wait.
Like.
Fair.
Or do you guys just want to run?
Let's fucking run.
Towards the wards.
We could just book it.
The voices.
Voices.
What do you think?
I say voices.
Yep, I'm in.
I start wolf running.
You all begin to book it.
Lara, you make room for Flint, Thea, and Donnie to get by.
The drakes jump at you and are clawing at you.
Think I maybe have both swords out?
Because why not?
Sure.
Right?
Why not?
Flavor wise, I like it.
And they're like going behind me and I'm just like, you know, slashing out.
Just in case one of them like gets dumb enough to.
I don't know, walk into my sword.
Either of the swords.
Sure, yeah.
Reckless Nulara is like more fun.
Right?
You manage to, in your spinning and back handing swords and knives and stuff,
take out three of them.
The other one turns and sees the undead horde coming down the hall.
As you all look over your shoulders, you hear the groaning begin to echo down towards you.
The drake sees this and runs back down the hallway in which it came.
As you carry forward, you see coming around the corner
at the other end of the hallway, carrying torches and various weapons,
about eight to 10 members of the cult of the dragon that you are now charging towards.
Do they all appear like they're living?
They appear living.
So most of them are talking, barking orders at each other,
prepping for possible collision.
As you are running towards, you see them finally come around the corner,
putting faces to voices.
How far into this like next section are they?
And how far behind us is the zombie horde?
You kind of round a bend, so you see them disappear.
They're about 60 feet ahead of you,
at which the hallway that you are running down keeps going,
but also is an intersect.
The zombie horde behind you is about 100 to 120 feet behind you,
shambling, so they're not moving as fast as you are.
But they've essentially cut off that direction.
So there's no turning around and choosing the other hallway is what you're saying.
There still is the drake hallway that they have not got to yet.
Can I roll?
Yeah, I'm thinking an intimidation roll.
And I'd like to pretend like we have the horde of zombies working with us.
And I want to like threaten the group that we're running towards,
that they better get the fuck out of our way,
or our horde of zombies is going to be here momentarily.
I like it.
Sure.
Yeah, so line of sight, they probably can't see the horde of zombies,
if you're hoping to use that as leverage.
Oh, I'm going to tell them that it's coming.
And then when it shows up, hopefully they will be like,
oh, my God, he wasn't lying.
And they fucking get the fuck out of there.
Cool.
Going to need two things.
Going to need exactly like narrate for me what it is.
You'll roll and I'll tell you how they respond.
OK, so I kind of look at Nulara and and Thea and I say,
guys, we need to keep them busy till our horde of zombies is here to help us.
And I like I yell it real loud.
All right, that is a with my bonus.
Twenty eight.
Yeah, they stop dead in their tracks and you hear them kind of mumbling quickly
and they turn and look the way they were going and kind of way there.
They're like, I don't know.
Should we foot?
They stop and listen for a second.
You guys are closing in distance now,
and they some of them start running back down the hallway, which you are going.
A couple of them are just standing still.
They don't know what to do.
They've kind of panicked at this moment.
Can we just like push on by them?
Sure.
I growl at them.
Sure.
You're just kind of pressing by not moving to attack anything.
Just I mean, if they were just kind of stunned into silence,
I'm happy to just run past them.
You four pile through them, knocking them to the side.
Everybody make a perception roll as you do this.
And as you.
Twenty one.
Fifteen.
Twenty four.
As you pile through them.
Thea, you kind of look over your shoulder.
You see that the undead army is coming in behind you.
But you also see a bright light following in behind them,
like a massively bright light following in behind them.
Nularaaaa, you turn to see the eyes of a dragon looking right at you
as you are running straight past this hallway.
Guys, there's something bright back there.
Guys, I think there's a dragon in that room.
Like, I think I just saw glowing dragon eyes.
That makes sense.
Do you keep running while this is happening?
Yeah, I think we're like scream conversationing.
It wasn't it wasn't a five headed dragon,
so not the one we're after this time.
Quibi.
You continue to run and as you clear the hallway,
lightning comes down the hallway and strikes the remaining cultists
that you ran past.
I scream, holy shit, and I run more.
Looking back, as that happens, you see a ball of flame ignite the undead.
Most of them have dropped, but some of them are on fire
and they turn to face where the flames came from
and another one lights them up.
Well, on the plus side, we are down some enemies.
On the downside, we might, you know.
Do you think that's someone helping us
or do you think it's just a happy coincidence?
I think we shouldn't ask any questions.
Let's keep going.
Agreed.
I mean, they're helping us right now, so I'm into it,
but let's go try and stop the ritual if we can get there.
Sounds good.
If somebody got our back, dope.
You know how Nularaaa always says dope?
Dope.
Yeah, always.
The hallway begins to snake around a corner
and you have two cultists ahead of you trying to run away from you.
You turn and look back and you see the scales of a brass dragon
continue past the hallway, chasing down
more of the cultists that were coming down towards you.
Brass dragons are our friends.
That is dope.
So you are currently in pursuit of two cult members
who are continuing to run away from you.
Hey, we're all running in the same direction.
Yeah, everybody make a dexterity check.
Say 20.
It's a 19.
It's a 10.
Thea and Flint, you manage to close ground on the two cultists
who turn and see you and see that you don't have an undead army
behind you anymore and turn to fight you.
And they call out,
hope you got all those undead armies behind you
because it's going to be a real rough.
That doesn't even make sense.
Roll for initiative.
Is what the DM says and not the person.
Now I stumble up wheezing at this point.
Yeah, no, you were there, but they kind of zipped ahead of you.
Guys, just I need like two minutes.
22.
14.
We're going to call one of them Dirk and Flounder.
Oh, I feel like Flounder's going down first, and I don't know why.
You don't know that.
Flounder might have all the fights.
That's not how you say that.
That doesn't even mean anything.
Nularaaaa, you're up first.
Uh, great.
Are they both just human dudes?
They both appear to just be human dudes.
Both also look as if they are.
They're both brandishing short swords,
but both appear to be reaching into a satchel as well as they turn to face you.
Fucking satchels and their dumb magic ingredients.
Okay, I guess I will just attack the one that is closest to me with Dragon Slayer.
We're going to say that's Dirk.
Okay, so that is a 15.
15?
15 does not hit.
Son of a bitch.
Let me try again.
We know that 15 doesn't work now.
How about 20?
Not a crit.
Yeah, 20 will hit.
Great.
20 hits most things.
Yeah, I'd be scared if it did.
I mean, more scared?
20 damage.
So you run and I'd assume take like a flying jump past your friends
and strike into the first cultist who is otherwise known as Dirk to our,
he has a name tag.
So I'm new here.
Dirk.
There's so many new people, right?
Yeah, they all look the same with their robes and their chain.
They've got to have something that separates them.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Cool.
Then Donny is going to try and recharge his, oh, and he does.
He rolled a five, so he's recharged his fire breath.
So if I can try and get both of them, that'd be great.
If not, just the one is fine also.
Yeah, yeah, like you're the, so he's kind of coming in behind.
So beside me, I guess.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
Yep.
Sorry, Dex save.
Dex save, yeah.
Nine and a 12.
Okay, well, those are both going to fail.
I only have out three D10s for some reason because I'm a bing bong.
Classic bing bong move.
That's 18 fire damage.
So Dirk is first in that line and his clothes alight as he kind of tries to shield himself.
Flounder kind of looks like he's, he doesn't look like he likes it,
but he's looking like he's taking it okay.
Okay.
Is that all you've got?
Rude.
Then he will try and bite Flounder, like the one that was less affected.
Sure.
Okay, that is a 21.
Donnie stepping up.
You got it.
And that is 12 piercing damage.
As he's like, bring it, he brings it.
Donnie decides to, in fact, bring it.
He takes him at his word and he takes a big, big old chomp out of that attack.
It is Dirk's turn.
Dirk pulls out of his bag a glowing green orb.
He begins to throw it at you.
17.
At me?
Yeah.
You are struck by this orb and it explodes at you.
27 poison damage.
Son of a bitch.
Rude.
Thank God I have this armor on, because otherwise I would have been dead like three fights ago.
Flint.
You are up next.
Flounder within reach?
Flounder, yeah.
He would be within range of you, yeah.
I'll go kick his ass for a while.
Don't even worry about it.
I'm assuming my moist tongue longsword is still moist?
Yeah, yeah, it's still moist.
That's a 27.
Yeah, yeah, that hits.
23 damage.
And it's all wet.
He takes a big old...
Careful now.
A big what?
A big old sloppy hit from your moist tongue's longsword.
I thought you were gonna...
Yep, all right, we're just gonna move along.
Second attack.
Can't wait till I get to these episodes and have to do the sound effects for these ones.
That is a 19 that time.
Still hits, yeah.
24 damage that time.
Yeah, he screams out in pain as you strike into him again, and he's like, why am I wet?
Good question, asshole.
Third attack.
It's a 24.
19 damage that time.
And how's he looking, Russell?
He's looking confused as to why this weapon has made him this way.
Both quite seriously injured and moist.
Okay, perfect.
I'm gonna action surge and hit him one more time.
Okay.
You're giving him a real licking.
It's a nat 20.
Yeah, give it to him.
So we're just gonna double everything.
Hang on here.
God, give it to him.
We're doubling things.
That's right.
Flink can go more than once.
Thank you very much.
If you're stabbing him twice, is it double penetration?
I mean, I would have to assume so.
You stabbed him four times at this point, so.
Yeah, but this is like double damage.
Yep.
So the first one, I think I said 26.
I already lost track of it for the first one.
Second one is 17, 22, 23.
So all said and done, 49 points of damage.
Tell me how you decimate Flounder.
Yeah, after seeing the initial confusion on his face as to why he was wet all of a sudden,
I used that slight opening to absolutely just run him through.
Like just from tip to hilt all the way to the balls.
I would assume the sword has balls because thank you.
Yeah, absolutely.
He he he long ago forgot what he was trying to do in this.
Wondering why in his in his in his eyes, you see the question why he stopped to turn to fight.
And then you see the recollection as to it was Dirk who who started the fight
looks over to his buddy and then dies.
Et tu, Dirk?
Well, hello there.
Welcome to the middle of the episode.
Thank you for joining us for episode 79 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
A time to run.
Remember that one?
Yeah, it's very like a very difficult title.
It's not usually a move that we do too often.
I know we should maybe consider more.
It's it's a whole, you know, character growth thing,
I think is what we're going for in this episode.
Perfect. Here's my time to shine.
Okay, great.
Kidding. It's not my time to shine, but I forgot to tell you guys.
So I listened to a lot of podcasts.
That's not what I forgot to tell you, but I listened to a ton of podcasts.
And the other day, my phone was like, nope.
And everything was gone.
No!
And when I went, like it just like,
this happens all the time with not the podcast app.
Like it just like disappears and then you have to reload it.
So I did that and I went back and there was nothing in it.
Like no shows, nothing.
Like it was like I had just opened the podcast app for the first time.
Oh my God.
And I was like, oh God.
So then it was like, we're going to rebuild your library.
Okay. And I'm like, okay, that'd be great.
Oh, yes, please.
Thank you.
So it loads like six shows and like an episode of each.
And I don't know about you guys, but I have like 30 podcasts that I have.
Like, even if I don't actively have downloaded episodes,
I like will download one and then keep it on my shows so that I remember like,
oh, I like this one.
I'm going to download more when I have time.
So you can pop in and like see who's on it.
Yes, exactly.
Um, so that was the worst because of course,
there are like five shows that I for sure know that I listened to.
And then I was like, I don't even know.
I have a terrible memory.
Like it's all gone.
I don't remember what I listened to.
I don't remember what to do.
I remember what to do, but.
This is your podcast within a podcast.
Carla's phone does stupid shit.
Yeah.
Or like my podcast within a podcast.
Carla sure likes podcasts.
Are any podcasts?
I'm done.
That was my story.
And if you like podcasts, maybe you consider specifically our podcast,
not just any podcast, but our podcast.
Consider visiting Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
where we have just revamped all of our goals.
Did we do it or did you do it?
I gave you guys some input in that.
I told you what I did.
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Bang up job, honey.
So the goal we're working towards now,
we're going to be streaming a one shot
where we play that Carly Rae Jepsen thing.
That looks so fun.
What is it?
It's like Boy Problems or something.
It's called Boy Problems.
It's like a heist themed adventure
where she gets her songs stolen
and the adventures have to get them back.
So we're going to do that when we hit our next goal.
But also there's a goal after that
where we're going to do a Flame McKin's backstory episode
because everybody's been asking for that.
It's going to be so awesome.
And then if you keep going up a little bit more,
there's a goal where we're going to play an Austin Powers themed episode.
And how are we going to do that?
Well, we're going to make it all up.
So that will be like total original content
that no one asked for.
No one asked for this,
but they're going to get the brainchild of the four of us.
It's going to be horrific, you guys.
It's going to be so good.
Let's get there.
It doesn't matter how it might take us 10 years to get to that goal,
but we're going to watch Austin Powers,
all three of them, once a week until then.
I did not agree to this.
No, it's in the fine print.
That seems like a promise I don't think we can keep.
Anyways, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Lots of new great goals up there to give you more content,
lots of great stuff to get to you.
Extra bonus stuff for supporting us
because thank you.
And if you're unable to join us on Patreon,
which sometimes that happens and that's totally okay.
We get it.
But you still want to help out the show.
We invite you to write a review and rating for us
like some of these lovely people right here.
This one is from Grarock via Apple Podcasts from the U.S.
And they say, love it.
Okay, first and foremost,
I came upon you guys by complete accident,
but it was a happy accident like Bob Ross and his happy little trees.
I listen to you guys at work all the time
and just love each and every one of the characters
and personalities you bring to the table.
I have had to stop myself from trying to chime in
and be like, oh, hey, guys, remember you have so and so,
which would have probably been very helpful.
Meet him on like an inner ear thing.
Yeah, that would be great.
But I remember I'm at work and may look like a loony.
Anywho, you guys are awesome
and I love hearing about the adventures of Flinthia and Nulara.
Keep it up, guys. Sincerely, Grarock.
And then in brackets, he says, that's my actual last name.
That's a fun last name.
Oh, okay.
It is extremely difficult to say, you guys.
Grarock.
If we're saying that wrong, please let us know.
There's not even a word anymore.
Let us know.
We mess up names all the time.
We mess up names within our own show all the time.
This is true.
Jumjins and dragons.
I have one from Podchaser.
Lucky Bridget says, five stars, a hilarious adventure
that has me grinning from ear to ear every time I listen.
That's so nice.
Thank you so much, Bridget.
I also grabbed one from Podchaser
and this one's from David Osteel.
He gave us five stars, says,
great friendly group of companions
adventuring their way on the table.
Feel free to jump in and get lost in the story.
Thanks, David Osteel.
God knows we are.
Every time.
Lost, so lost.
Every time, so lost.
Like a maze.
Every episode is a maze.
But thank you so much, everybody,
for writing reviews.
And if you write a review,
we will read it right here.
And thank you for being awesome
because that's what we do.
Links for those couple things
that we mentioned today
will be in the description.
I didn't mention a lot.
Usually I say everything,
but now it's just a couple of things.
Including where you can find us on Discord
and the Reckless Play Guild Facebook group
where we've joined up with some amazing podcasts.
The End of Time and Other Bothers,
Dark Dice, and the Lucky Die.
And this Friday,
I interviewed him from the Lucky Die.
And that interview,
type B interview,
is coming out to the Facebook group.
So come join us over there
and find out some great things
about him and her podcast.
Awesome.
I've really enjoyed reading all of them so far.
Yeah, I like the, like,
switch-em-up style.
We've interviewed all the DMs
and players are coming up next.
So you get to find out about all of us.
Final thanks to Sirenscape
for some of the amazing atmosphere
used in today's episode.
Make sure you check them out
at sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.
And the next episode,
it'll be out Wednesday, April 10th.
So let's get back to this one
and see if they're still running.
I can't remember where we cut.
Maybe they are.
Maybe they aren't.
Have a great week.
We'll talk to you soon.
Sorry, you stabbed him with the sword
balls deep?
That's correct.
Oh my god, somebody please fan art that.
Whose turn is it?
I don't even know.
Are you done?
I haven't done my turn yet.
Do I get to go?
Is there anything left?
Well, it was Flounder's turn,
but not anymore.
Thea, you get to go.
I'm going to see if I recharge my breath weapon.
I do not.
So I am going to bite at Dirk.
A 20.
Yeah, 20 hits.
And as I run towards him,
I say, take this, Dork, because.
Oh, snap.
Scathing.
Yeah.
And he says back,
I feel like I'm in grade school all over again.
This is why I joined the cult.
So I could get away from these horrid names.
13 piercing damage.
And you have to succeed
on a strength saving throw or be knocked prone.
14.
It is a 14, so.
Dirk is not prone.
He is pierced, but not prone.
Question.
Did I take guacamole out?
Did you though?
I think you did.
I think I may have.
I think you just forgot on the last one.
Yeah, we just haven't been.
Coming around the corner,
following in behind the Brass Dragon.
Insert owl noise here.
And she swoops in and has a turn.
I was wondering about that.
Now that you mention it,
I am 100% sure that you summoned guacamole.
Yeah, I kind of remember wondering like,
oh, hey, is there enough room for guacamole in these tunnels?
And you're like, yeah, they're the tunnels are like 25 feet by whatever.
And I'm like, oh, OK, that's how that conversation went.
So nobody has to go back and listen.
It's exactly how it went.
That's just how it happened.
So she is going to attack with her talons.
She got lost in the dark caves.
She did.
And she's still a little bit confused.
That's only a nine.
She swoops in more spooks.
Dirk.
Yeah, as it now becomes around them.
Yeah, feathers, feathers everywhere.
As Nulara's turn comes back.
Great, great.
Carla's like, oh, I have to wake up now.
It's been such a long time.
It's a lot that happened.
It's just because there's only two bad guys.
Well, and now only one bad guy.
Usually there's a lot more enemies that get turns in between there.
OK, more sorting, I believe, is the verb.
That is the one.
It's a 19.
Yes.
15 damage.
In his confusion, he doesn't see your sword coming.
See, guacamole helped.
And let's out a cry.
One more of those.
That is a 16.
16 will hit.
OK.
22 damage.
He's bleeding from underneath his robes.
Puddles.
And no, not puddles.
Puddles is a bad way to describe blood.
Pools.
Pools of blood begin form underneath him.
Nulara puts on her wellies and starts splashing around.
As he reaches for yet another orb.
But Donnie gets a turn before he does anything with it.
Donnie will try to recharge, which he does.
Yeah, Donnie.
Fire weapon.
You need to do a DC save.
Nope.
That's a three.
Guacamole really like knocked him off his game.
Nobody expects a giant bird come flying at you.
OK, so this is some big math.
Oh, I like this.
15 plus 16 is 31.
Damn, Donnie.
Describe to me the scene as Dirk goes up in flames.
I think Donnie pretty nonchAlydintly shoots the flame.
But then after he does it, he spins.
And him and guacamole kind of slap wings.
Like Talon.
Like a high five.
Oh, slap wings.
Because he's stoked.
Kind of in like a twirl of flame.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's pretty stoked that his
B-winged friend is there with him again now.
As he screams and drops to his knees.
The orb falls to the ground and rolls towards you.
And the light goes out as the last dying breath of Dirk
vacates his body.
Take that, Dirk.
You're standing in a corridor.
You hear screams coming from down the hall
from what sounds like a dragon devouring them.
You have...
Probably our dragon, so that's cool.
Screams to the left me.
Sounds to the right.
Here I am.
Before we do anything else,
can I use my amlet of temporary health
to give myself 20 HP for today?
Yes.
Great.
Yes, you can.
Good memory, Carla.
Any other potions you want to just down
while you're at it?
We've got randos here.
We have rando potions.
Can I take a healing surge while we have a sec?
Yeah, I mean, you know what?
It's not a bad idea.
I have a...
Someone's got Andre's Gojuice.
I have that.
And I have Bee's Knees.
You have Bee's Knees, so that means
you've got glass jelly.
Yeah, I also just have a health potion,
which is probably...
Potion of healing.
Donnie's like, you know, remember those days
when we used to loot bodies?
I don't have hands, Donnie.
I will loot Flounder's body.
On his body, you find three more orbs.
All dark?
Yeah, because that's kind of canonically
how I just did it.
Just right now, these are useless.
Why did you even loot this body?
But you also find two other potions.
Two other potions.
Are they labeled?
What do they look like?
Red Glimering Liquids.
Like my Life Essence potion?
Is it similar to the Life Essence potion?
It is similar.
I don't like that.
No.
I don't like the way you said similar.
It's very much the same.
I'm like, someone should take these.
I don't have hands.
I'll give both of them to Nulara.
I'm busy taking my own potion right now.
That's why I'm not looting with you guys.
Should I loot the other body, too, while I'm there?
What I'm...
I have available hands.
What's left of it?
Isn't it pretty charred?
He is pretty charred, but his bag was to the side.
Oh, for two it is.
I go and I nudge my nose at his bag
and pick it up with my teeth
and kind of gently empty the contents.
There is one more orb, also not lit.
Two other potions, also a red Glimering liquid
and a sketch of what looks to be the remains of...
or was the living Dirk and his buddy Flounder.
They stopped by the boardwalk
before they came in a big fight.
Are they both on skateboards?
It is caricature-esque.
That's fun.
Yeah.
I'm feeling much better after that fight.
Well, not after that fight.
After all that healing I just did.
Perfect.
I see someone come and take these ones as well.
These ones here.
I'm nudging and rolling them.
Oh, God.
I'll grab them all like a big old hoarder.
You can throw them at us when we need them.
So you have the direction in which you came,
which you hear dragons and screaming and stuff,
or the direction in which you run
and which you can make a perception check
to see if you hear anything new.
Sure, why not?
I would also like to perceive I have keen hearing.
14.
I just rolled a 10.
Does keen hearing give me an advantage?
Sure.
Okay.
You're actively hearing.
17 is my perception.
26.
The rumbles of the dracorn are the only thing you hear
echoing down the chamber of which you are walking.
I want to keep going towards where I know the
direction is towards the chamber like based on what I do.
The told direction.
Yeah, Steppen's knowledge.
Steppen.
There it is.
You begin walking down the chamber.
I think we're probably like trotting right a jog.
Things are time is of the essence here.
Yeah, you are briskly walking with intent and purpose
and you get to a T intersection.
So you're left or right?
What would Britney Spears do?
She'd work, bitch.
What would Britney Spears do?
She'd work, bitch.
She's at a crossroads.
So you could ask Britney Spears,
what would Tom Hanks do in Cast Away?
Both at a physical and metaphorical crossroads.
What a hilarious ending.
I'm listening with my keen hearing and it's an 18.
No, sorry, 17.
Amid the dull drone of the Drakorn,
you hear echoes of battle both ways.
Cool. Flip for it.
I need Moony.
I just edited this one.
I need Moony Mitzi.
There was no Mitzi.
I need Minie Minimo.
Anyway, nobody cared to write it down.
It was so good when it happened.
It was really good.
It was so organic.
It just came so naturally.
I think we just want to keep heading
deeper towards the center of the compound.
That would be a southern direction.
Okay, let's go south.
So that is a right turn.
Okay, then a right.
It's all right.
You're going south and you carry on a ways
and it appears to get darker.
You keep going.
You don't hear any distinct voices coming
from the direction ahead of you.
And you see at the end kind of splintered light
coming in at the end of the tunnel.
You keep going and you see that there's a way
to crawl through some rubble of what looks
like perhaps a cave in.
Does it look like it's a lot of hassle
to crawl through or can we shimmy through
pretty easily?
Can us giant creatures fit through?
There's my question.
You giant creature?
I'm a giant winter wolf and I have a giant owl.
We are large and Donnie is large as well.
Donnie's pretty big too.
Yeah, I mean, yes, you all can probably
fit through.
There will need to be some maneuvering
of boulders.
It might take a little time, but I mean,
you don't know what's necessarily
on the other side.
But we know this is the way to get
closer to the center.
This is of the two directions
that you just had.
Yes.
Well, this has like some light
coming into it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, we're underground.
So if there's light coming through,
there obviously is like some kind of chamber
on the other side of this for light
to be coming through, right?
Makes sense.
So I don't think there's electricity
down here.
Only candles and torches.
That's really what the cult's
been trying to do is invent electricity.
They're trying to wire the whole place.
They've got a big Tesla coil
on the other side.
I just think like, if someone took
the time to have torches lit
on the other side of this,
it means there's something going on
over there.
Well, I mean, like magic can also
be a source of light.
But also like a giant fire pit
that they're going to use
to sacrifice people
and thusly maybe bring forth a dragon.
Let's dig.
Okay.
Let's move some boulders around.
Everybody give me a strength check.
There's more of a basis
for how long it takes.
It is a 17.
11.
7.
A lot of the path is clear.
It takes you a little while
to clear some of the heavier boulders
to allow for the giant creatures to pass.
Lara and Flint, you would be able
to pass through quite unhindered
via you and your winter reform
could probably clear through pretty quickly.
But Guacamole and Donnie
might have a little trouble.
So you take some time just to make sure
that nothing collapses back in on any of you.
Who's leading the pack here?
I am.
Flint, as you and one other person
Probably me.
I'm like the next smallest person, right?
Okay.
Flint, as you and Nulara move the last boulder,
you realize that the light source
is coming from a monstrous building of sorts.
A light shooting up into the sky.
And you find yourself in a wrecked pit
inside the caldera of the well of the dragon.
Amid the wreckage and the rubble
that you see before you,
you see fragmented bones
now that your eyes begin to adjust.
And you look up and you see
this mind-numbing structure.
All of you begin to exit out into this.
You see dragons soaring overhead.
And it looks like it is tangled with bones and rock
and is blasted up out of the volcano itself.
The stone and bones look like they've been
imbued with the dark magic of the nine hells.
And what you can presume as the temple of Tiamat
with all of its chaotic angles jutting out.
Within that snarl of cornices and soaring angulation,
you make out five asymmetric towers
topped by twisted steeples.
Screams and roars come from over the edges
as another blare of the dracorn sounds.
And you are looking at the temple of Tiamat.
Some of the music in today's episode is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
and Scott Buckley at scottbuckley.com.au.
Sound effects can be found at boomlibrary.com
and at sirenscape.com.
We already did a little half recap there,
but everybody's comfortable in their knowledge
of what's happening at present around them.
I think so.
Murder, death, and chaos.
Got it.
Yes.
Just a good summary.
It's just a Tuesday.
Right.
You start running.
So, Nularaaaa, you'll have to disengage.
Not that it really matters because you're...
Impervious and everything.
Amazing.
Donnie would have to disengage.
You literally took half my HP with the one magic user.
So don't act like I haven't gotten hurt.
You hurt her many ways.
Partially, emotionally.
I didn't take half your HP.
I took 20 of it and then the others you can get back at some point.
Yes, yes.
Fair, fair, fair.
Because we want to keep going in the direction where Buddy told us.
Yeah, where the sacrifice room was, right?
That is an idea.
Yep.
Okay.
Uh, you...
Are we running in the right direction?
I don't know.
I only have the math in front of me.
You know as much as you guys.
Okay.
I always feel like whenever we have to stop, Russ gets like bad ideas as to what to do to us.
That gives me an extra second to think, which is maybe good.
See? That's what I was talking about.
They both appear...
They...
They both appear to just be human dudes.
I like the Italian.
They are both just to be...
Nothing good ever comes with a glowing green orb.
Never.
No, no it doesn't.
So is every fight I have to do it?
Uh, no, sorry.
It still is because you had said moist previously, but you haven't said it again.
So no.
Yeah, yeah, it's still moist.
What I'm saying is you haven't turned it off, is what I'm saying.
Okay, perfect.
Yeah, that's what I was wondering.
Moist.
His sword's always turned on.
It's always turned on.
Always.
Until he turns it off.
Until he takes a real hard look at himself in the mirror.
Because nothing's more of a sword boner killer.
I...
No, I'll just wait to do that.
That's a good idea.
Wait, until he throws the thing?
Okay.
I don't want to delay my turn until he has his action.
Yeah, makes sense.
The rumbles of the Drakorn are the only thing that catch your hear...
Heard.
Hears.
Ha.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.